Is there really plenty of fish?

I am not very good at writing or talking about feelings which is probably why I am single and have never had a ‘long term boyfriend’. It is also the reason I am writing this post-it’s a vicious circle. My attempts at dating have gained some hilarity and finally after a few persuasive words from my dear friend Elanor about blogging about it- I have finally taken the plunge. Don’t worry it doesn’t end with me dancing around my living room, eating ice cream and singing depressing love songs. I’ll leave that to Bridget Jones.

We live in a world now that most relationships-romantic or otherwise-begin online. There are dating sites for everyone and it’s no wonder. Personally I just can’t find time to find someone the good ole’ fashioned way. My dear mum is always asking if I have “someone on the scene”, to which I always reply with “No, I don’t have time for that”. At some point in my life I chose to put my career first and swearing not to date anyone I work with as that just invites complications-how can I realistically meet a man? I’m skeptical of bars as that just invites alcohol fueled regrets.

In an attempt to find ‘the one’ I have trialed a few dating apps and chose to concentrate my efforts on one-the title of this post probably gives it away. I have been semi-successful in that I have been on a few dates as a result the app however for many reasons none of these have reached a second date. Many reasons of my own doing. A colleague in work frequently jokes that I have an extensive check list of exacting criteria my date should meet and that a date with me is more like a job interview than two people on the cusp of romance. There is probably some truth in this but that’s a whole other psychological mess.

In order to actually find someone decent enough to spark an interest on this app there is a lot of time wasters and eye-rolling messages to wade through. Which really does beg the question ‘Is there really plenty of fish’? Let me just give you some examples…I take screenshots of the worst and more hilarious messages in order to discuss the ugly nature of online dating with friends in work. Apologies for the explicit language.

“I would absolutely ride the a**e off you xx”

How charming! I actually received this message twice-and people say chivalry is dead. Maybe I should reply, he did send two kisses. Said no one ever!

“Hey sexy, looking hot. If u were here id b bending u over every piece of furniture in my house and f*cking u hard!! U think U can handle it? Xxx”

What I can’t handle is the incorrect grammar and using U instead of you!

“I want your ass on a plate”

I don’t respond well to cannibalism. 

“Add my snapchat if u like ur men 10.5 inch”

Again with the use of U instead of you. Needless to say regardless of my preference this man was not added to snapchat.

That ladies and gentleman is the pure joy of online dating. Now I can’t say every message is like these but that is not an exhaustive list. What has happened to the world? I know saying “Hey, how are you?” seems boring but I am more likely to respond to that. It is no wonder the guys sending these messages require the use of online dating. If they were to walk up to a lady and say those types of things I know for certain where my knee will end up.

Oh well I will have to go one and maybe one day I will find a genuine guy who meets my exacting standards. My good friend in work met her now husband on the same app so we must persevere.

Have you ever tried online dating? How did you find it? Did you receive charming messages like this?

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